愛與夢飛行

Can I?
Can I say it out or
can I sing it loud?

Days raced by but it lingered
there, deep
inside the mind.

I-am-so-STRESS.

Softly
it whispered.

Shh...

It's alright. Just
smile.

原來，不是我長高了。
而是媽媽老了，矮了。

力拔山兮氣蓋世，
時不利兮騅不逝。
騅不逝兮可奈何，
虞兮虞兮奈若何。

明天成績出爐了。
也不知道為什麼，
心裡不斷在默念這首詩。
奈若何，奈若何……

是好是壞。我一定可以。=)

我不知道自己到底怎麼了。如果誰知道，能告訴我么？沉默太久，連該怎麼開口問好都忘記了。是成績要出爐了所以感到恐懼憂慮，還是在逃避自己不想面對的事實？所謂的事實又是否真的如此難以接受？

能否自私地要求，給我一點時間去飄泊，重拾破爛不堪的心，還有那已經不值得一看的笑容，回來以後，給我一個肯定的擁抱？但此刻，我又憑何資格，提出如此自私的請求？

責備自己，強迫自己，痛罵自己為什麼到今天——2012年了，還活在不知時日為何的世界裡。從來就不奢望世界會因自己而改變，必須被改變的是自己的思維和心態。植物尚且嚮往陽光，人當然也樂於貼近“陽光”。只是，我寫不出偽樂觀的字句。

樂觀達觀，做得不夠好；灑脫成全，一點也不灑脫；玩世不恭的態度，一點也不好玩！我根本狠不下心——我多想狠下心來，就不會蹉跎了時歲。浪費了多少時間看清、痛哭，接下來難道還要浪費同等甚至更多的時間，來自欺、接受、放下、遺忘？失去就失去吧！失敗就失敗吧！——每想起還得經常這樣自我提醒，真想哭了，證明每一次的提醒都沒有用。真沒用。

寧我負天下人。就當我負了那些被我所負的人們吧。

Think Positive

Clearly, the power of thought can have a big influence on our lives, for the better or the worse. We all hold a constant inner dialogue, or self-talk, that can switch from positive to negative and back again. We often choose the negative path, telling ourselves that we are going to fail or that things won't go right. This prevents us from looking forwards to events with happy anticipation and we may even end up bringing about the very thing we fear.

That negative inner voice can not only prevent us from having the optimism to try to achieve our full potential, but it can also affect our health. Research in Canada carried out over 30 years shows that patients who expect to do well after an operation recover more quickly than those with a pessimistic attitude.

So how can we change our attitude to use the beneficial power of the mind? The first step is to become aware of the nature of out own self-talk. Psychologists believe that an average person experiences 20 000 and 60 000 thoughts a day. None of these thoughts is neutral: they are either positive or negative, and they will reinforce themselves day after day.

If you are one of the people who always sees a glass as half empty rather than half-full, you need to make a change to positive self-talk to describe your life as you would like it to be. A good way to be reprogramming your self-talk is to repeat positive affirmations. Make them realistic, so that you can say them with sincerity, and make them in the present tense. Instead of saying, "In six months' time I shall be fit enough to tackle a marathon", say, "Each day I am fitter and stronger."

You will greatly increase your chances of success if you not only believe 100 per cent that you will achieve your goal, but you have a goal that is realistic and achievable, one that is challenging for you, but not impossible.

However, it is important to remember that positive thinking will not magic away all bad things, and it won't do your training for you! Nevertheless, it will help you stick with the programme and deliver the results you want.


*Forgive yourself for your mistake and think of the successes that can be balanced against it.


<Walking for Health> 2012.3.1 @ KL Library.


PS. Was happy enough to find two books of the same name which talk about how walking benefits human body. How intriguing! XD No wonder I like to walk around when I'm dealing with stresses and depressions, even anxieties. LOLs!


PSS. Saw a familiar face at the library lobby today. Just... look alike. Hmm, how I wish...

Emperor Penguins
The female lays her single egg in early May but almost immediately passes it to the male. He carefully balances it in a brood pouch just above its feet, which keeps it warm at a temperature that can differ by 80 degree Celsius from the temperature outside. The female then heads straight back to sea to feed up through the winter. She will not return for 65 days, leaving the male to survive the long nights of winter darkness. With temperatures down to -70 degree Celcius and winds of 160kph (100mph) the males huddle close together. The huddle is constantly shifting slowly round so that all the penguins take their fair share of the exposed positions. At the heart of the huddle, heat loss may reduced by 50 per cent.

It's not until mid-July that the females finally return from the open ocean. The sun has only just begun its journey south from the northern hemisphere, and the males still see only an hour or two of distant daylight each day. The sea ice is also still near its maximum extent, and the females have to walk 160km back over the ice to reach the colony. They must time their return perfectly. Once the chick has hatched, the male can only give it a single feed with a special meal he preserves all winter in his gullet. He can only maintain his chick for 10-15 days before his own near-starvation forces him to abandon it and head for open water. By the time he finally makes it back to sea, he will have fasted for 115 days - a record for any bird - and lost half his own body weight.


P.S. 處於暴寒險惡的環境，要兼顧養兒育女和自身飽飯真不容易。原書裡的皇帝企鵝集體marching的那一幕太滑稽了，發現有一隻的頭好像不見去，險些大笑！


<BBC Planet Earth> 2012.2.29 @ KL Library

這幾天不斷在留意成績放榜的日期，直到今天已經21號了，官方依然毫無消息。

不管如何，那一天不會遠了。

上兩個星期就聽說，成績會在這個月的23日放榜；這個星期一樣聽說，成績會在這個星期四放榜。——其實它們是同一天。只是，在上兩個星期聽說和在這個星期聽說後的心情是很不一樣的。日子越是逼近，神經越是緊繃。所以說，人啊，真的不能太空閒，一有時間就會胡思亂想。=.=

前幾天早上，和爸媽到外吃早餐。走在身後的爸忽然笑嘻嘻地說，他昨晚夢見很好笑的事——夢見我領成績了！其實有時候，我挺認同夢就是一個人的內心思想的反映這個說法，反映想法，反映心情，反映恐懼，反映牽掛的，當然，包括反映期望。爸話剛落，我們都笑了，彷彿剛才真的聽了一則笑話。

那，到底有什麼好笑的？

夢見我領成績倒沒什麼，我總不能阻止別人夢見我吧，像我，連大考前都可以夢見自己手裡已經握著成績了（看來當時候的我，真的很想結束掉它）。 笑點 重點是，在爸的夢裡，我領回來的成績是不錯的，不，應該可以說是很好！哈哈哈我的天。這意味著，高期望么？

心裡很清楚，這次恐怕要讓兩老跌眼鏡了。過去是靠一點點運氣，但哪有每一次都那麼幸運的？雖然說要早早做好心理準備，但說不緊張、不在乎是非常嚴重的自欺欺人行為，因為都夢見N次了還說不緊張不在乎連我自己也不相信，接下來正式領的時候就會是我第N次領成績！最致命也是最真實的一次！

哎呀橫豎現在多想也徒然啦！腦細胞應該用在有益的地方嘛！

Que sera sera～ 還是只能對自己說，安啦，Good luck！;)

電視播《魯豫有約》，嘉賓是孫燕姿。
看著的時候就覺得，啊，是我太久沒留意她么？
蓄了一頭長發。大概是習慣了短髮的她吧。
沒關係，往後就會習慣的。都是這樣啊。

半小時，剪剪接接，看了意猶未盡，就上網看完整的。
既有趣又百感交集的一集。
有趣，是才發現原來她挺幽默的；
百感交集，是當她談起過去有一年，自己毅然決定休息一段日子的時候。

“……
其實後來有人說，
哇，你怎麼會有這個勇氣離開？

我說不是勇氣，
因為我無法面對，
所以我要離開。”

話說，那天在Twitter上看到這麼一則“好康”又有趣的新聞，不禁莞爾。含笑按下“Retweet”，隨後也就淡忘了。只因每次這些好康都和我們家掛不上鉤的。反正——有句經典的台詞說——有固然好，沒有難道哭？（換句話說，就是：有垃圾桶固然好，沒有垃圾桶難道哭？哈哈好吧，我知道這很無聊。）
  
沒想到，大概一個月後，還真的有人來派垃圾桶！大清早，一車來，逐戶登記。還不到一小時，輪到爸去領的時候，據說只剩下兩三個了。不得不說，這德國製造，價值90令吉的垃圾桶還挺受歡迎的。樓上樓下，共領了兩只。

然後，煩人的事來了。

家人就為了這兩只東西，一會說要放出籬笆外用，一會又擔心會給人偷掉，整天提心吊膽的。所以就要我在上面“題字”。（個人覺得這字題得還可以，沒辦法咯，因為我沒有某人那麼有“藝術氣息”XD）

字題了，連車牌號碼也寫上去了，結果接下來的一個星期，還是得和那兩只東西在屋子裡對看，一直到前幾天才肯開始用。

只是這免費的煩惱，我真寧可不要。

終於踏入充滿末日傳說色彩的2012年。
新年新作風，也該是時候送走舊時自己的壞習慣了。

話說，自從考試結束以後，就自動當了無業遊民。
不過，我想這樣的日子應該不久了。忙碌以前，總是松閒。

相信自己，相信未來！
新年快樂！